Yesterday the receptionist at work asked me if I wanted to take a DP break. Me being my usual zoned out self replied, "Do you mean double penetration? I didnt think you were into that." I never think before I open my mouth. To make matters worse the Prez of the Co decided to walk by at that very moment. "Shit I hope he didnt hear that", says Ben's brain. The look on his face tells me he most definitely did. Double shit. He must have decided to let it go because he started giving me crap about my facial hair situation and how it isnt to company standards. Apparently its all in the manual or something, who knew? Figuring I dont have much to lose at this point, I tell him I am playing Abraham Lincoln in a production about the Civil War and that I just wanted to try and bring a little more authenticity to the role. The look on his face tells me he isnt buying it...Fuck it. I reach way back to the dregs of my high school memory and launch into the meager about of the Gettysberg Address that I can remember. He cuts me off right before I stall out. He finally seems convinced...Thank. The. Fuck. Christ. I mean I really pulled that one outta my ass and I cant believe it seemed to work. I lose it as soon as he leaves.
The other night I was cornered on the street by a homeless Argentinian. Apparently his strategy to score loose change is to tell some of the most off color racist jokes on the planet. I give him a dollar for his efforts. Charity is funny like that. Does this make me a racist? No. If you can laugh at one group, you should be able to laugh at em all, and I do. The moral of the story kiddies...? Aw fuck morals, Futurama is back on!
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