RIIINNNG!!! RIIINNNG!!!
Receptionist in background, "Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, juuuust a moment!"
I'm reminded of office space every time the front desk phone rings. "Guest services, this is Ben, and how may I help you?" I repeat that mindless phrase hundreds of times a day. It's so mindless; I've literally answered my cell phone that way. Sometimes I catch myself in time, and all the other times I try and play it off like who ever is calling me has the wrong number. In this day and age of modern communications that never works…ever.
Come to think of it office space is so like my life. I don't know if that should be depressing or not. I mean I sit in an office cubicle for about 9 hours a day doing what almost amounts to nothing. Jack. Didly. Squat. I'm usually running late because of Seattle's horrific traffic conditions. (I refuse to leave at 530 to make it to work by 8. Fuck that noise) I always come up the side staircase so no one sees me sneaking in. It usually isn't a problem, my boss isn't in until around 930 anyways. Ahh the benefits of mid level management! Hopefully one day I will arise to a position of such limited power! Don't get me started on the mediocre health benefits! If only I were so lucky…
Anyways I usually surf the net for a while, and pretty much zone out until lunch. After lunch I like to snag a sales reports binder, open it up in front of me on my desk, put my head in my hand and fall asleep. To the unsuspecting observer I look like I am deeply engrossed in my work. Heh, suckers! It usually takes about 20-30 minutes for me to sleep off lunch. One time I slept for a full hour and a half. When I woke up I had drool hanging from my mouth and forming a puddle on the page I was opened to. Oops! I've never been caught doing this yet, and I'm kinda curious to see how long that will last. Knowing my luck, probably for quite some time.
I think people here are finally starting to figure out what a slacker I really am. Quite frankly im amazed I've kept up the illusion of being a hard worker for so long. I think it probably because im starting to care less and less. Don't get me wrong I actually like my job. Just not when it's so damned slow like this. The onset of the Christmas season should cure this up. Pretty soon ill be cursing my own existence as I work extended hours, photographing uncooperative people in shitty weather. Can you tell how excited I am?
So this totally kept me occupied for a solid half hour…only 54 more minutes till I'm outta this bitch. (Not that I'm counting or anything)
Friday, December 15, 2006
mindless ramblings of a sleep deprived idiot
Its late. I'm tired. I have to get up early tomorrow. I'm blasting music in an empty house. There is no one else here but me. Where is everyone? I seriously have no idea where my family is. Ahh communication at its finest.Odds are this situation is being played out in millions of homes across America. Aren't we just the perfect model of George Bush's Christian conservative family values? The functionality of disfunctionality continually amazes me.
Speaking of politics, as I'm typing this I'm seeing bulletins crop up about how great it is that the democrats are regaining control in the House and the Senate. Wow, who gives a shit? I fucking don't. As far as I'm concerned they are gunna fuck shit up just as bad as the republicans did, just in a different way. There isnt much difference between the two parties either. The way I see it democrats are just spineless republicans at best. At least a republican will be up front about you getting the shaft. Neither parties represent average Americans anymore. We need a strong third party in America.
Damn, what a tangent that was. I'm freaking bushed. I'm willing to bet that's why I'm not making a lick of sense. You know that point where you're about to drop dead from utter exhaustion? That point where your eyelids weigh a million tons but you cant sleep a wink? That's about where I am right now. I can't seem to turn my brain off. Tomorrow is going to be fun. What the hell, what's another sleep deprived, caffeine fueled workday? If only coke were still legal like back in the early 1900's. They could offer it from vending machines just like its liquidy carbonated cousin. Reminds me of that episode of futurama where off in the corner of the scene a vending machine advertising "Refreshing Crack" breaks down on a guy right as he's trying to score his fix. Hilarious. Bender is my fucking hero.
Random person (Fry maybe? dont remember): "Why does a robot need to drink alcohol?" Bender:"Because it powers my fuel cells"
Random person: "So why are you smoking a cigar?"
Bender: "Because it makes me look cool!"
I was freaking ecstatic when I heard FOX was bringing that show back.
Speaking of politics, as I'm typing this I'm seeing bulletins crop up about how great it is that the democrats are regaining control in the House and the Senate. Wow, who gives a shit? I fucking don't. As far as I'm concerned they are gunna fuck shit up just as bad as the republicans did, just in a different way. There isnt much difference between the two parties either. The way I see it democrats are just spineless republicans at best. At least a republican will be up front about you getting the shaft. Neither parties represent average Americans anymore. We need a strong third party in America.
Damn, what a tangent that was. I'm freaking bushed. I'm willing to bet that's why I'm not making a lick of sense. You know that point where you're about to drop dead from utter exhaustion? That point where your eyelids weigh a million tons but you cant sleep a wink? That's about where I am right now. I can't seem to turn my brain off. Tomorrow is going to be fun. What the hell, what's another sleep deprived, caffeine fueled workday? If only coke were still legal like back in the early 1900's. They could offer it from vending machines just like its liquidy carbonated cousin. Reminds me of that episode of futurama where off in the corner of the scene a vending machine advertising "Refreshing Crack" breaks down on a guy right as he's trying to score his fix. Hilarious. Bender is my fucking hero.
Random person (Fry maybe? dont remember): "Why does a robot need to drink alcohol?" Bender:"Because it powers my fuel cells"
Random person: "So why are you smoking a cigar?"
Bender: "Because it makes me look cool!"
I was freaking ecstatic when I heard FOX was bringing that show back.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
welcome to the real world
everyone has heard from some one else how much post high school life (the real world) can suck. well im here to tell you thats only partially true. the real world doesn't suck, working does! work does not equal life. you have to seperate yourself from it. my days only start after i get home from work. of course i never get enough sleep but what the hell im young and i can rest when im dead. even as i type plans of drunken debauchery and lawlessness are being set in motion. life is good. and over all my job doesnt suck that much at all, however the commute and long hours do. but i guess thats the nature of the working stiff. the thing i hate most about work is that it occupies nearly all of my time that i would much rather spend with friends or my girlfriend. working has put a serious damper on the time i allocate every day for fun. the pay and cool collegues almost justify it, but not quite.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
the relative calm after the storm
so its official, i like millions before me recieved a high school diploma. i dont know if i should be proud of myself or just regard it as something not entirely impresive. i mean it was just high school. graduation was painfull. i had to sit there with the rest of my senior class for 3 hours enduring pompus valedictorian speeches, the monotonous drone of our principal, and the obligatory family photo ops. my only entertainment was watching each graduating senior hand our principal a bouncy ball. she didnt know what to do with them, it was hilarious! especially considering our senior class had roughly 6-700 kids. those bouncy balls were literally EVERYWHERE! so now i guess i get to start my life. woo hoo, now im accountable for myself. thats the one thing i know ill miss most about high school, the lack of real life changing responsibility. god im lazy...this whole post has a very pessimistic air about it. i apologize, im usually a very positive person. maybe its the fact that im quite possibly never going to see some of my friends ever again thats getting me down. hmm...positive thoughts...OH! my best friends uncle gave us a paid week at his time share in cancun! that is going to be one amazing trip! we leave on the 26th of july. im so excited! im already counting the days! copious amounts of parasailing, kayaking, snorkling, mopeding, and public drunkenness will be had by all. id like to apoligize to my liver in advance! hate to end it like this, but ive nothing more to say at the moment. its not like it matters, no one reads this blog anyway. this is just another voice drowned out by the vastness of the internet. its akin to a ray of light hovering on the event horizon of a black hole...now thats dark...pun totally intended.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
paaartaay!
last night was jon's welcome home/going away again/look its gabbie's birthday too party. we held it at his dads new house in marysville. ive got to say, that old dude has done pretty well for himself this time, its a pretty nice house. so anyways on to the party...
it started around 7ish and when i got there people were already well on their way to getting drunk. there was a DJ and catered food, and most important...A KEG! this was shaping up to be a great party! jon gave rowan and i the tour and true to form, he had bought some guinness, my favorite beer in all the land, just for my drinking pleasures! what a friend..after several drinks and a few falls, jon started chanting KEGSTAND!KEGSTAND!KEGSTAND! jon was up first and his lasted a whopping 7 seconds...up next was tory. he went for about 10. i questioned the wisdom of tory's keg stand as he is a small guy and had already had a lot to drink. whatever. after that we convinced jons dad to do one. talk about hilarious! picture a 5'5'' 50ish ecaudorian dude doing a keg stand like a frat guy. the funny part was he set the record at 15 seconds. i was kinda pissed that i had to drive home that night, especially since i know i couldve beaten all of them. ah well such is the nature of responsibility. anyways, steve rowan and i were the only sober ones at the party, and that was starting to wear thin. all the drunks were getting on our nerves. especially tory, who started hitting on rowan and insulting her at the same time. he was really pissing me off. i was keeping my cool, but i still wanted to take him apart. tory got lucky, he was pulled away by one of his friends who realized what was happening. good thing too, i wont tolerate shit like that, even if the dude is drunk. the whole time steve was sitting there with a grin on his face. he wanted to see me fight that guy. god that is just like steve...
all in all it wasnt a bad night. i had fun and it was really good to see jon loosen up, especially after being kinda jumpy and on edge for a few days. he goes back to iraq in a week. god im gunna miss that goofy bastard...
it started around 7ish and when i got there people were already well on their way to getting drunk. there was a DJ and catered food, and most important...A KEG! this was shaping up to be a great party! jon gave rowan and i the tour and true to form, he had bought some guinness, my favorite beer in all the land, just for my drinking pleasures! what a friend..after several drinks and a few falls, jon started chanting KEGSTAND!KEGSTAND!KEGSTAND! jon was up first and his lasted a whopping 7 seconds...up next was tory. he went for about 10. i questioned the wisdom of tory's keg stand as he is a small guy and had already had a lot to drink. whatever. after that we convinced jons dad to do one. talk about hilarious! picture a 5'5'' 50ish ecaudorian dude doing a keg stand like a frat guy. the funny part was he set the record at 15 seconds. i was kinda pissed that i had to drive home that night, especially since i know i couldve beaten all of them. ah well such is the nature of responsibility. anyways, steve rowan and i were the only sober ones at the party, and that was starting to wear thin. all the drunks were getting on our nerves. especially tory, who started hitting on rowan and insulting her at the same time. he was really pissing me off. i was keeping my cool, but i still wanted to take him apart. tory got lucky, he was pulled away by one of his friends who realized what was happening. good thing too, i wont tolerate shit like that, even if the dude is drunk. the whole time steve was sitting there with a grin on his face. he wanted to see me fight that guy. god that is just like steve...
all in all it wasnt a bad night. i had fun and it was really good to see jon loosen up, especially after being kinda jumpy and on edge for a few days. he goes back to iraq in a week. god im gunna miss that goofy bastard...
Saturday, May 20, 2006
discouraged and confused...
so today i found out i wont be able to join the army for another 3 years, yea i was pretty pissed to say the least. throw in some anguish and rage and you fall into the neighborhood of my swirlling hurricane of emotions. it was like a kick in the nuts. all ive ever wanted to do was to serve my country, and then after all the bullshit ive been through just to find out im still disqualified...really serves to break down my spirits. seriously what the fuck am i going to do for 3 more years? i dont know if i could do more school right now. jesus.....life really can throw you a helluva curve ball somethimes. my last option is to try the national guard. since they are a state run agency they tend to be more lienient in cases such as mine. sure as hell would be better than waiting another 3 years. guess ill have to be heading on down to meet with the national guard recruiter here pretty soon...fuck
on a much lighter note, i had another amazing night with rowan tonight. we had dinner together and watched Troy and half of Braveheart. we both fell asleep about halfway through. her mom woke us up when she came home, good thing too, we probably wouldve slept all the way through to morning lol she really helped make me feel better. she is so amazing, i honestly couldnt be any luckier.
on a much lighter note, i had another amazing night with rowan tonight. we had dinner together and watched Troy and half of Braveheart. we both fell asleep about halfway through. her mom woke us up when she came home, good thing too, we probably wouldve slept all the way through to morning lol she really helped make me feel better. she is so amazing, i honestly couldnt be any luckier.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
best day ever!!! part 2
on to reason two:
so ive been friends with rowan for quite some time. a few months back i really started to like her. we started hanging out and we ended up growing pretty close. things were great except for one glarring fact : girls can be just friends with guys, but guys cannot be just friends with girls. i was falling for a friend. i had heard from a friend that she didnt like me like that, but i was getting mixed messages. i was ready to put her on the spot and just plead her to tell me there was no chance so i could move on. yeah looking back that wouldve been pretty stupid. thankfully my other best friend, steve, had a better idea. he pulled the old "so whats going on with you and my best friend?" she told him she liked me and was giving all kinds of signs she could think of and that she thought i didnt like her. so we've already established that im blind and it is here that we establish my mental retardation. so fast forward to last night...i invite her to come and hang out with jon and i and a few other friends. as the night progresses things go great. we snuggle up next to each other in a movie, and in the car on the way back. when the time comes for her to head home i walk her out to her car. i take her into my arms and ask her if she would be mine. she replies with a yes and a kiss. rowan is pretty much the most amazing girl ive ever laid eyes upon. not only is she stunningly beautiful but she is very inteligent and she has a great sense of humor. i couldnt ask for a better girlfriend!
yesterday was by far the best day ive had in a loooong time. i cant wait to see her again tonight, and not to mention share a beer or two with my best friend!
so ive been friends with rowan for quite some time. a few months back i really started to like her. we started hanging out and we ended up growing pretty close. things were great except for one glarring fact : girls can be just friends with guys, but guys cannot be just friends with girls. i was falling for a friend. i had heard from a friend that she didnt like me like that, but i was getting mixed messages. i was ready to put her on the spot and just plead her to tell me there was no chance so i could move on. yeah looking back that wouldve been pretty stupid. thankfully my other best friend, steve, had a better idea. he pulled the old "so whats going on with you and my best friend?" she told him she liked me and was giving all kinds of signs she could think of and that she thought i didnt like her. so we've already established that im blind and it is here that we establish my mental retardation. so fast forward to last night...i invite her to come and hang out with jon and i and a few other friends. as the night progresses things go great. we snuggle up next to each other in a movie, and in the car on the way back. when the time comes for her to head home i walk her out to her car. i take her into my arms and ask her if she would be mine. she replies with a yes and a kiss. rowan is pretty much the most amazing girl ive ever laid eyes upon. not only is she stunningly beautiful but she is very inteligent and she has a great sense of humor. i couldnt ask for a better girlfriend!
yesterday was by far the best day ive had in a loooong time. i cant wait to see her again tonight, and not to mention share a beer or two with my best friend!
best day ever!!!
this is going to be in two parts cuz its long as heck.
part one
yesterday was by far the best day ive had all year! why was it the best you ask? well, two reasons. 1) my best friend jon came home on leave from iraq and 2) the girl of my dreams said yes. not the big "yes", im much too young for that, but rather a much smaller yes that still...christ im getting ahead of my self. ill start at the begining.
so im sitting in first period PE watching a video about golf techniques (its a lesiure games PE class...) and out of nowhere i get a text message from Jon of all people. before i even read it i realized one of two things. the first one being that this was from Jon's personal cell phone so that meant that he was no longer in iraq, and the second realization that he must be coming home a day earlier than i had known. in a classical jon style, the text message said "BACK IN THE USA BITCHES!!!" my hopes were confirmed! soon after he called me with his flight number and all that necessesary info. i was to meet up with his sister and mom and we were to make our way down to pick him up. well this is where the problems started...first i couldnt get ahold of jons mom, turns out i had the wrong number. eFF. second, gabbie, jons sister, wasnt answering her phone. by the time i got ahold of her it was dangerously close to the time we needed to leave. so i was to meet her out front of the high school, and things would progress form there. i sat out front for about an hour waiting...double eFF. either im blind as a bat or...well shit i just didnt see her somehow. so anyway she ends up calling me to tell me that she has gone back home and now there isnt enough time to come back and get me. triple eFF. as im walking back to class, i run into my friend sean, talking to the security guard, who also happenes to be his grandma. IDEA! ''HEY SEAN!!! you dont really feel like going back to your sixth period do ya?'' ''WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK!?!?!? seans grandma, ''USE ANYMORE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT YOUNG MAN AND ILL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT!!!'' so it turns out sean had been sent by his substitute teacher to take the attendance down to the office. lucky me. we go back to his class and grab his stuff and we just walk out. we haul ass to gabbies house and i made it in time to ride with them to the airport. i always seem to get lucky like this. stuff always seems to work out for me in the best possible ways. the funny part was seans grandma called to tell him that she had covered for him when another security guard was sent to look for him. family connections rock!
so anyways we get to the airport and meet jon, my best friend. suprisingly no one cried. that'll probably happen once his leave starts to run out and when he has to leave. having someone close to you be involved in the war makes it more real. its not just some story on the news to me. its so much more personal than that. jon and i are like brothers. the though of him being in harms way every day is a lot to deal with. thank god there are men like him though.
part one
yesterday was by far the best day ive had all year! why was it the best you ask? well, two reasons. 1) my best friend jon came home on leave from iraq and 2) the girl of my dreams said yes. not the big "yes", im much too young for that, but rather a much smaller yes that still...christ im getting ahead of my self. ill start at the begining.
so im sitting in first period PE watching a video about golf techniques (its a lesiure games PE class...) and out of nowhere i get a text message from Jon of all people. before i even read it i realized one of two things. the first one being that this was from Jon's personal cell phone so that meant that he was no longer in iraq, and the second realization that he must be coming home a day earlier than i had known. in a classical jon style, the text message said "BACK IN THE USA BITCHES!!!" my hopes were confirmed! soon after he called me with his flight number and all that necessesary info. i was to meet up with his sister and mom and we were to make our way down to pick him up. well this is where the problems started...first i couldnt get ahold of jons mom, turns out i had the wrong number. eFF. second, gabbie, jons sister, wasnt answering her phone. by the time i got ahold of her it was dangerously close to the time we needed to leave. so i was to meet her out front of the high school, and things would progress form there. i sat out front for about an hour waiting...double eFF. either im blind as a bat or...well shit i just didnt see her somehow. so anyway she ends up calling me to tell me that she has gone back home and now there isnt enough time to come back and get me. triple eFF. as im walking back to class, i run into my friend sean, talking to the security guard, who also happenes to be his grandma. IDEA! ''HEY SEAN!!! you dont really feel like going back to your sixth period do ya?'' ''WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK!?!?!? seans grandma, ''USE ANYMORE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT YOUNG MAN AND ILL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT!!!'' so it turns out sean had been sent by his substitute teacher to take the attendance down to the office. lucky me. we go back to his class and grab his stuff and we just walk out. we haul ass to gabbies house and i made it in time to ride with them to the airport. i always seem to get lucky like this. stuff always seems to work out for me in the best possible ways. the funny part was seans grandma called to tell him that she had covered for him when another security guard was sent to look for him. family connections rock!
so anyways we get to the airport and meet jon, my best friend. suprisingly no one cried. that'll probably happen once his leave starts to run out and when he has to leave. having someone close to you be involved in the war makes it more real. its not just some story on the news to me. its so much more personal than that. jon and i are like brothers. the though of him being in harms way every day is a lot to deal with. thank god there are men like him though.
Monday, May 08, 2006
random happenings
more random happenings from the crazy world of ben-
so the other day im at work gettin my dish washin groove on. the day was running smoothly and there wasnt even an evening rush hitting us. about 45 minutes into my shift, my boss, jerri, tells me she wants me to clean the bathroom. no biggie, i grab a few rags and head on back to do the deed...i walk in and go to turn on the hot water when out of no where i somehow ripped the water handle right off the sink. in that very instant water comes jetting out of the newly made opening and hits me square in the face...right about that time someone walks in behind me. dunno if it was a customer or an employee but who ever it was asked "whats going on in here?" to which i so eloquently replied, "NOTHING, I JUST BROKE THE FUCKING SINK!!! HENCE ALL THE WATER EVERY WHERE!!!" so picture this, water is jetting out every where, im scrambling around on the floor trying to find the handle cuz i dropped the damn thing somewhere, and ive got some punk hassling me...so anyways, i find the handle, jam it back in the geyser that the sink had become, and attempt to hold it in place while i feel around the underside of the sink for the water cuz off valve. i finally find the damn cut off, kill the water,.and flop into a small lake and breath a sigh of relief. i consider letting the bathroom air dry (im just that lazy people) but there is so much water that that would literally take forever. mop time...fun. i take the slacker route by rationalizing that all the water shooting everywhere did a better job of cleaning than i was willing to do so i called it a day and just dried everything off.
seriously the most random stuff always happens to me...wtf 0_o
more random happenings are almost sure to come...
so the other day im at work gettin my dish washin groove on. the day was running smoothly and there wasnt even an evening rush hitting us. about 45 minutes into my shift, my boss, jerri, tells me she wants me to clean the bathroom. no biggie, i grab a few rags and head on back to do the deed...i walk in and go to turn on the hot water when out of no where i somehow ripped the water handle right off the sink. in that very instant water comes jetting out of the newly made opening and hits me square in the face...right about that time someone walks in behind me. dunno if it was a customer or an employee but who ever it was asked "whats going on in here?" to which i so eloquently replied, "NOTHING, I JUST BROKE THE FUCKING SINK!!! HENCE ALL THE WATER EVERY WHERE!!!" so picture this, water is jetting out every where, im scrambling around on the floor trying to find the handle cuz i dropped the damn thing somewhere, and ive got some punk hassling me...so anyways, i find the handle, jam it back in the geyser that the sink had become, and attempt to hold it in place while i feel around the underside of the sink for the water cuz off valve. i finally find the damn cut off, kill the water,.and flop into a small lake and breath a sigh of relief. i consider letting the bathroom air dry (im just that lazy people) but there is so much water that that would literally take forever. mop time...fun. i take the slacker route by rationalizing that all the water shooting everywhere did a better job of cleaning than i was willing to do so i called it a day and just dried everything off.
seriously the most random stuff always happens to me...wtf 0_o
more random happenings are almost sure to come...
Saturday, April 01, 2006
chinese food
so the other day i was suddenly yanked out of bed, money was shoved into my hands, and i was voilently pushed out the front door. wearing nothing but my boxer briefs and a t-shirt, i was struck by the appearance of a short asian man wearing an apron. wondering what the hell was going on,i began to ask the asian man who the in the hell he was and why he was standing on my front porch when he held up a bulging bag of chinese food and with the goofiest toothless smile you ever saw, he said, "iee brin yo foo!". still more than half asleep i gave the delivery man the money and went back inside. (later my mom asked for the change and it was then i realized i tipped the delivey man exceptionally well) about 45 minutes after eating i was hungry again. which brings me to a question, why is it that soon after you eat chinese food you are hungy again? every time i eat chinese food i find this to be the case. maybe thats why they give you such huge freaking portions.
anyways this was just some random happening that i though you might get a laugh out of. plus i really needed a first post for my blog. feel free to leave a comment.
anyways this was just some random happening that i though you might get a laugh out of. plus i really needed a first post for my blog. feel free to leave a comment.
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